AAAHHHHH Memorial Day…. The unofficial start to HOT GURL/BOI SUMMER (Sunburn SZN) and BOY DO I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU…. We are having a pool party, for TILT Waltham, after Murph, Monday 5/31, at the DeMarco residence. Get ready for what could go down as the best Memorial Day of your life. Or at least a better Memorial Day than last year (not a whole lot would have to happen for that to come true). BuT aM I bEiNg ClEaR?! DiD I StUtTeR?! This is going to be the Memorial Day of all Memorial Days. So naturally, to ease anybody’s social anxiety, I am writing a dissertation on what to expect.
Let me first lay out exactly how your day is gong to go…
Step 1: You take either 7,8,9, or 10 am @ TILT with some of your best pals
Step 2: You hang, regroup, maybe start drinking a Miller Latte in the TILT parking lot as lasses are finishing up
Step 3:You shower and regroup a bit more
Step 4: You drive, or better yet, you Uber yourself to the Demarco residence around 12 pm
Step 5: From here we have the best Memorial Day grill and chill of our lives…
Allow me to set the scene on what to expect once you make it to step 5 of your Memorial Day:
-Expect Chef BoyarDEAN and his grill and chill bois to be BACK AT IT by POPULAR DEMAND
-Expect that there are 2 types of people at a pool party… people who want to tan and people who want GAMES. I want GAMES. I want goggles that make me look like a waterlogged horse and I want to dive for pool toys despite me still having to plug my nose when I jump in a pool.
-Expect me to chase you around with sunblock for safety purposes. SPF 763 to be exact.
-Don’t you dare bring a lame snack, in fact if you bring any kind of celery stick expect that you will be turned AWAY. Don’t you DARE half ass a potato salad and call that a contribution. Put some heart into it. I want full ass potato salad not your half ass potato salad.
-Expect that Stacy A will be mixing up some sort of signature TILT Memorial Day Cocktail in an attempt to intoxicate or kill you without you even knowing because it just tastes like mango juice or something… nice try Stacy, I’ve been to college, I don’t drink the jungle juice…I’ve learned
-Expect an overall joyous time with friends and food. Expect me to judge you if you eat anything less than 14 hot dogs. I’m making the assumption nobody has anywhere else to go, I’m sorry but do people have friends outside of TILT?! Unnecessary. Absolutely unnecessary. So hunker down and start eating those hot dogs my guy
-Expect to probably (definitely) over-eat , think 8 year old at a carnival. That’s the performance I’m looking for.
-Oh you aren’t beach ready yet?! Boo-hoo, give me a break, who cares, not me. Toss on a swim shirt and lets get after it.
-I will see you. Post Murph. At the DeMarco house. Attendance will be taken. If you aren’t there, I’ll body slam you into another dimension, or be slightly disappointed and, as always, I will take your absence as a personal attack to my character.